Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
