I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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