i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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