last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
no, he came in my armpit
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
