at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize