I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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