alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
