They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
