just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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