I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize