Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize