$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
