I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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