Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
