now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
