i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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