i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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