It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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