I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
