Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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