pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
