Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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