Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
