idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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