I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
