Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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