so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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