i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize