She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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