Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
