my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
