Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize