mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
