Screwed.edu
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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