I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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