Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
