he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
