Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
