o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
