If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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