Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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