Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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