I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
