I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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