I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
