fuck your aforementioned shoe
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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