i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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