dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
