I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
