This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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