6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
