Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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