I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
