I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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