That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
