I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
