i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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