it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
