Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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