I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
