true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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