WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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