i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize