he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
