If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
