I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize