drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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