Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
