I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
