i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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