This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I want to walk on stilts...naked
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
