I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
