We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
