Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There r osticjed everywhere
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize