you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
