i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
did i just pee glitter
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