i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
