Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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