This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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