i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize