i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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