Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
