I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
