Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Drake has all the answers
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
