I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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