you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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