he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
