where am i from again
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and i looked up. we had an audience...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
