Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize