It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
