If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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