So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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