i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
