I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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