We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize