Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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