i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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