@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
