i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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