Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You pole danced in your parka.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize