there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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