my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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